Eleni Gabrielides

Generally, foreplay is known as ‘sexual activity during the lead up to sex’ or ‘things that get you in the mood’.

But what is sex and why doesn’t it include the lead up?

When does foreplay end and sex begin?

Foreplay can mean lots of different things to different people, so I’ll be covering what falls into the ‘generic foreplay’ category, how creating different categories of sexual acts can be damaging, my own definition of foreplay and when I think it should happen (hint – it’s not always before!).

Often, when the term 'foreplay' gets thrown around, it's sold as ‘something that comes before "actual" sex’ (i.e. a penis penetrating a vagina – thanks heteronormative school sex-ed). So for a long time, I assumed it to be kissing, cuddling and hands/mouth on genitals.

I know this experience isn't uncommon, and I know that to a lot of people, that's what foreplay is.

Every time I come out as pansexual I have received comments like ‘Pfft, that’s not a real thing’, ‘So… you’re bi?’, ‘PANsexual?! Do you like pots too?’ or ‘What, you’re hot for Peter Pan?’.

Trust me, I’ve heard it all.

Even though I did have a huge crush on Jeremy Sumpter as a child and a non-stick frying pan does make my heart flutter, these remarks make me eye-roll so hard that in the moment, I choose to label myself as bisexual instead.

After talking to some other pan-pals, I know my experience is pretty common.

So, I’m here to shine a light on pansexuality, we’ll explore its definition, how it compares to other sexualities and I’ll give a bit of an insight to what it means for me to be pansexual.